James Kim
I can’t shake it. I keep thinking about James Kim and the whole ordeal of what they went through and imagining how things were said or done and this and that. I keep putting ourselves into the situation and driving myself crazy with possible conversations and actions and inactions and endings.
I don’t think I’m alone.
I keep reading about it on various sites. Almost daily there is something new about it, and with each new twist or fact to the story, I find myself sinking in deeper and deeper, and being drawn closer and closer into this… I don’t even know how to call it.
Is is possible that I am mourning for a complete stranger? I think so. Very much so. And I think it’s rightly so. After all, who hasn’t been deeply touched by this tragic story in one way or another? It’s so hard even for us strangers, I can’t possibly know what it’s like to actually have known him or being related to him. Oh how I wish the family and friends of James much peace and strength to get through this very difficult time.
The grief is very different than when my grandparents passed away (they were the only two who have passed ever since I can remember), and of course the age difference sets it completely apart too. I don’t know how to deal with this and don’t want to slump much more into it. I’m afraid I might need to see a grief counselor…?! Please if anyone has any advice, I’d love to know. Thanks.
Jenn Said,
December 11, 2006 @ 1:02 am
I know exactly how you feel. It feels at once strange and silly to feel this much for a complete stranger. THousands, perhaps tens of thousands, kids, innocent people, what hv u, die everyday. Katrina, the Tsunami.
And yet, the death of one James Kim affects us, particularly parents of young children, so so much more than we expected it to.
For me, i’ve found it to be one central thing: the realisation, once again, of the fragility of our lives, magnified by the fact that we now hv children. YOUNG children.
We cannot bear to think of what will happen to our kids with one or both of us gone. I felt this deep, intense fear when Lokes travelled for two mths in the summer this yr. I could not shake it off, not immediately, even when he came back. Perhaps because of your illness, u feel the a looming PROBABILITY of this happening, even more so than the rest of us.
We also imagine, as wives and mothers, cannot help, but put ourselves in the place of Kati. I myself imagined having a desperate fight with James, asking him either to go and look for help, or to try and discourage him from going. Our last exchange of words. Our last kiss. Our last embrace. His last hug for his kids. All these things, these suppositions, drive the grief deeper.
Cruel as it may sound, James is now in a much better place than, say, his wife or his parents. It is the living who suffer, not those who have passed. SHe will have to live with the days, hours, minutes, seconds, struggling to go on without breaking down, without giving up, .
I’d say what ure feeling is what we, as young mothers, are all feeling. The fragility of it all, and the futility of us trying to control, to foresee everything, even in ultraconnected, ultra-modern, ironically ultra-convenient America.
A friend of mine worked with James directly and she was, naturally, crippled emotionally by his passing. She could not go to work.
Read her account here: http://nicolelee.vox.com/
Hope this helps. Hugs.
Sara Said,
December 12, 2006 @ 4:34 pm
I am a Zen Buddhist and there is a koan I often refer to. It is basically the question, “how can a person know of all the suffering in the world yet not suffer herself?” Like so many others, I was and am so sad for this family. But I have to remind myself that I should not suffer for them. I can honor the family and James Kim’s memory by loving my own family and going gently into the world. I hope that helps, I certainly understand where you are coming from.
Amie Said,
December 15, 2006 @ 11:05 am
I think certain situations can really hit us when we can strongly relate to them.
I remember after 911, I felt strong grief for Lisa Beamer because we we’re both five months pregnant and I could not imagine losing my husband at that point.