After your hands become coated with grease or you’re in the kitchen preparing something, your nose will begin to itch or you’ll have to pee.

Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner, even if it is square.

The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

If you work late, no one knows. If you leave early the next day everyone will see you in the parking lot, especially your boss.

If you change traffic lanes, the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now .

When your body is fully immersed in water in the tub, the telephone rings.

The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the cost of the carpet.

If the shoe fits, it’s ugly.

As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

*** updated: I forgot the most important one of all! Here it is:

When you are pressed for time, your little one(s) will inevitably spit up all over your clothes / poop / need to use the potty / have a total meltdown right before you head out the door.