Wednesday, October 25th, 2006
Two years
Have I healed without me even noticing it? Have I become whole again? Or is it just a trick of Time, making everything a little fuzzy and distant.
This year, October 2nd came and went without any tears. I certainly have not forgotten my baby. Everyday when I look in the backyard over to the big cedar tree, I remember the sweetness of the tiny baby that was and could have been. I remember the burial day vividly. But the rawness of the pain is no longer intense and often absent as well.
Is it wrong of me not to have done something on the anniversary? Is it wrong to only remember it some 3 weeks later? I feel as though I have betrayed the baby. After all, nothing is left of him/her except what is in my mind and heart.
Fly high baby. Be happy. You are loved very very much.
on Friday, October 27th, 2006 at 9:34 am:
Oh, honey, don’t feel guilty about healing, that’s a good thing! Of course, who am I to tell you how to feel, I never had a loss quite like that so what do I know?
All I know is what others have told, me, you don’t ever really get over losing a child, you just learn to live with it. It seems like you are learning to live with it and if those new little people in your life have made you so busy that you don’t have time to dwell on the past, well, maybe that’s just the way it should be. They are part of the healing too.
Reassuringly,
on Friday, October 27th, 2006 at 4:13 pm:
It sounds like your healing.