Comments on: What Would You Do / Say ? http://www.sweetisu.com/2005/05/10/what-would-you-do-say/ Entrepreneur. Wife. Mother. Immigrant. Cancer Survivor. Thu, 04 Dec 2008 02:25:53 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.3 By: suz http://www.sweetisu.com/2005/05/10/what-would-you-do-say/#comment-302 suz Wed, 11 May 2005 15:23:00 +0000 http://www.sweetisu.com/2005/05/10/what-would-you-do-say/#comment-302 I tend to be blunt with my friends; they expect it of me and know I expect it in return. It's not that I don't try to be diplomatic and tactful and kind, but I also don't pull punches. I say things like "We have had this exact conversation about this a dozen times now. Every two weeks he does this and you fight. Do you think that maybe you need to either figure out how to be okay with it or end the relationship?" Granted, my candidness has killed more than one potential friendship. But it makes the ones I have easier, since we expect one another to just have out with it, and understand that it's meant with love and not intended to hurt anyone's feelings. I don't know that this is possible with your friend, or even if it's something you'd do in other circumstances but don't feel comfortable with here. In the end people have to figure things out for themselves, even when it seems obvious to the rest of the world. It's hard to watch, especially when someone you care about is doing something that seems bad for them. I tend to be blunt with my friends; they expect it of me and know I expect it in return. It’s not that I don’t try to be diplomatic and tactful and kind, but I also don’t pull punches. I say things like “We have had this exact conversation about this a dozen times now. Every two weeks he does this and you fight. Do you think that maybe you need to either figure out how to be okay with it or end the relationship?”

Granted, my candidness has killed more than one potential friendship. But it makes the ones I have easier, since we expect one another to just have out with it, and understand that it’s meant with love and not intended to hurt anyone’s feelings.

I don’t know that this is possible with your friend, or even if it’s something you’d do in other circumstances but don’t feel comfortable with here. In the end people have to figure things out for themselves, even when it seems obvious to the rest of the world. It’s hard to watch, especially when someone you care about is doing something that seems bad for them.

]]> By: Jen P http://www.sweetisu.com/2005/05/10/what-would-you-do-say/#comment-301 Jen P Tue, 10 May 2005 20:11:00 +0000 http://www.sweetisu.com/2005/05/10/what-would-you-do-say/#comment-301 I think, and this is only my opinion, that she already knows all these things. I think sometimes we just get so locked into patterns, or are so afraid that we just do what comes naturally, rather than what's right, and I'm sure she knows it. I'm sure she knows she's in another dead-end relationship, her job treats her unfairly and it must feel that no one ever has really given a shit about her. I was in a similar situation and I couldn't take it so I took a break. I couldn't deal with all the whining and bitching, especially since the person wasn't doing anything to change their situation...all they wanted was to bitch and complain about the same things over and over and over. It drove me nuts. But in the end, I realized that she's stuck because she wants to be. Change is scary. I think if you value the friendship, you just have to eat your words and let her figure out for herself that things suck. Hope it works out. Best wishes to you. I think, and this is only my opinion, that she already knows all these things. I think sometimes we just get so locked into patterns, or are so afraid that we just do what comes naturally, rather than what’s right, and I’m sure she knows it. I’m sure she knows she’s in another dead-end relationship, her job treats her unfairly and it must feel that no one ever has really given a shit about her.

I was in a similar situation and I couldn’t take it so I took a break. I couldn’t deal with all the whining and bitching, especially since the person wasn’t doing anything to change their situation…all they wanted was to bitch and complain about the same things over and over and over. It drove me nuts.

But in the end, I realized that she’s stuck because she wants to be. Change is scary.

I think if you value the friendship, you just have to eat your words and let her figure out for herself that things suck.

Hope it works out. Best wishes to you.

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