Tuesday, May 31st, 2005
Hubby and I need a little help with opinions on names. With just a little over 3 months to go, we cannot seem to agree on what to name this baby girl!
Please rank your personal preference on the following names in order of most favorite to least favorite. Also, if you have middle name suggestions and/or if you’d like to make other name suggestions, please do so! I’d love to hear them.
To eliminate possible swaying of opinions, these names are in alphabetical order and not of any preference.
Amelia
Daphne
Fiona
Simone
Thanks a bunch!!!
Monday, May 30th, 2005
OK gals. Sorry it has taken me so long to get this published. Here are your questions! I look forward to reading your answers! Please remember the rules of the game (on the previous post).
If you’re late to the game, you can still play! Just leave me a comment on the previous post and I’ll come up with questions for you.
The Barrenness
1. If money / location were no object, what would your dream house be like and where would it be?
2. What was your first date with your husband like?
3. What types/genres of movies do you prefer to watch?
4. Are you a pet person? Why or why not?
5. If you win the lottery, what would be the first thing(s) that you’d do?
Kristin
1. If you could live forever and ever, would you want to? Why or why not?
2. What’s your favorite food/dish? How often do you have that?
3. What is the one thing that you really want to try / do before you die?
4. What was your most embarrassing moment?
5. What is one sexual fantasy that you always have, but will probably never become a reality?
suz
1. What’s your most memorable childhood memory?
2. What do you imagine your life to be like when you are 70 years old?
3. If you could solve two world issue/problem, what would it be?
4. In what ways are you like / unlike your mother?
5. If there is one thing in your past that you could alter (not fertility-related), what would it be?
Jen P
1. Do you believe in god? Why or why not?
2. If you could, what is the one thing that you would change about your mate (physical or personality) ?
3. Growing up, who was the most inspirational person in your life?
4. Were you the geek, or the jock in high school?
5. If you could be a celebrity for a week, who would you choose to be and why?
Tuesday, May 24th, 2005
Louise asked me these questions because I asked to be interviewed. Please feel free to participate, just leave a comment and I’ll come up with some questions for ya, as best as I can! These are the rules:
1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying “interview me.”
2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person’s will be different.
3. You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
Here are my questions / answers:
1) If you could choose the careers of your children, what would you choose?
For the record, what they want to do professionally is totally up to their talents and desires. But if I must, I think I will want them to work in something that’s technical / uses the left side of the brain more than the right side. I’m very left-brained and I think that would enable us to have more common things to do together and talk about, and probably make our relationship more harmonious and friend-like rather than parent/child-like.
2) Have you ever been caught in a really big lie, and if so, what happened?
This will sound boring - I don’t think I’ve ever made a big lie / been caught lying. Either that or I have managed to forget everything about it. I do the occasional white lie but nothing major.
3) You are going on a mystery trip. It could be anywhere in the world. You can only bring 5 things, and you don’t need to worry about money. What would you bring?
This is a bit difficult without knowing where the destination is and what local accommodations are available. But I would like to bring my husband, a laptop (hopefully will have Wi-Fi access), a high end digital camera, a pair of comfortable shoes, and a razor (more for the husband than for me, as I really dislike him having any facial hair. It should also go without saying that I do not have any facial hair).
4) What fictional character would you like to be?
My mind went completely blank for this one. Albeit all the issues in my life past and present, I’m very happy to be where I am right now. So I don’t think I’d want to trade for anything else.
But I was talking to Kristin and I thought it might be great fun to be James Bond! (The question did not say I must remain the same gender). I love all the gadgets he always have, and who can resist the parties with unlimited intake amounts of booze and still not get drunk. Plus all the sex partners (pretty women) he gets to sleep with without having any strings attached. Yea, I could play that for a bit.
5) If you had to choose one place to vacation at for the rest of your life, what place would you choose?
It would definitely have to be some place warm, with lots of fresh fruit and seafood. I’ve never been to Tahiti but I imagine I would fare pretty well there 
There’s mountains to climb, lots of hiking trails, warm weather, fabulously clear water, lots of snorkeling fun. Oh yeah!
Wednesday, May 18th, 2005
Aside from the bleeding / spotting for the first 3 months, this pregnancy can be considered pretty easy and symptom-free. I vomited only a handful of times, and only recently developed heartburn and it hasn’t been as bad as when pregnant with our son. I can live with a little acid reflux every night right before bedtime.
However, there are two things that’s starting to really piss me off.
One:
I STILL have the fucking yeast infection (from NOVEMBER people!) It’s been on and off, and the symptoms are fairly mild from what I’ve read online. BUT, after taking a bazillion different types of prescriptions (several were category C!), it’s still here. It can be safely assumed that it has mutated into something that even the doctor has never saw before — he even said so himself. He said “you do not have a yeast infection, you merely have vulvitis — inflammation of the vulva, which you already knew. But I can’t find the cause for the inflammation.” So I paid yet another co-pay and still don’t have a fix to my hoochie problem. It hurts badly to have sex, and apparently hubby got a bit itchy after the last encounter which leads me to think THERE’S STILL SOME TYPE OF YEAST. We must be the only ones who aren’t doing it 3-4 times a week.
Two:
I’ve been waking up to numb hands for a few months now. Guess what, it also started back in November. G-d I hate November. My oncologist said it is neuropathy, a long term side affect from the chemotherapy (specifically, the Vincristine in ABVD) I received, and it is being exacerbated by the pregnancy, the wonderful nature of edema. First it started off with one hand, then two. And now my ankles/feet are starting to do the same. Every single fucking morning I have numb appendages upon waking up. I find the numbing sensation very disturbing. I feel like an 80-year-old woman who’s body is failing rapidly. People, I’m not even 29 yet.
Tuesday, May 17th, 2005
- Clinging to my legs while I’m preparing food.
- Clinging to my legs while I’m preparing food, and then proceed to pull my pants down when told “no no”
- Shake your head incessantly and refusing to eat, and then take whatever was offered and then some.
- Scream really loud for no apparent reason.
- Keep waking up from your nap / take really short naps.
- Keep waking up in the middle of the night and needing comfort.
- Provide an answer to me, but totally not what I was asking for in the question.
- Does not answer me or acknowledge that you heard what I just said, instead start a totally different subject/topic/question.
- Treat me like I’m still 5 years old.
- Ignore my emails / delay in responding my emails. And then ask me why / what took so long for me to respond when I reciprocate the ‘favor’.
- Stop all sense of communication with me, without telling why or giving me the bird because for the life of me I can’t figure out the reason.
- Tell me you called, when clearly you did not. After all the phone has Caller ID.
- Keep telling us that you have a wedding / baby present for us sitting in your livingroom, but we have yet to receive those years later.
- Call me and wake me up in the wee morning hours for non-emergency stuff.
- Ask me for the thousandth time which one is Gretchen*, when Gretchen is the only Gretchen I know on this planet and you’ve met Gretchen yourself.
- Leave the lights on when you’re not in that particular room and will not go into said room for at least another hour.
- Making all sorts of noises when you know full well that I much prefer quietness.
- Shake your legs incessantly while watching TV or during/after meals.
- Squeeze toothpaste from the middle of the tube instead of the end.
- Don’t do what I ask the first time around, and then accuse me of nagging when I repeat the request.
- Have selective hearing to what I have to say.
Friday, May 13th, 2005
Tomorrow would be the due date for the baby that I lost in October.
As much as I mourn that loss, I find myself having rather mixed emotions as the date approaches. I almost feel guilty for having any other emotion besides sadness and pain. I’m not dreading the day as much as I thought I would, perhaps I will be in for a surprise when intense and powerful emotions surface on the actual day.
To be totally honest, it would be easier to be absolutely sad if I was not pregnant yet. But I cannot stay in mourning when I have this growing new baby girl inside me to look forward to meeting. I know I am very fortunate in being able to move on and please know I am very thankful, but I will never forget the Baby I Never Met.
Rest in peace my sweet baby. Mama will always love you. Always.
Tuesday, May 10th, 2005
Something has been bothering me. It’s not even about me, but it affects me somewhat, periodically anyway.
I have this friend whom I met during my very first week of school in the states many many moons ago. She comes from a broken family - divorced parents, and there were constantly strange men coming and going in their house, some stayed longer than others. Her mom did not work outside the home; I don’t know how they supported themselves. But she was unaffected, it seemed, by all these. She was smart, caring, pretty, and friendly. We became friends quickly and I relied on her support for several very crucial years, mostly with my English and adjustment to the western world. She was an immigrant herself, and moved here when she was much younger. We had a lot in common. Sadly we slowly grew apart; she was very popular among some of the boys at school and I was a bookworm. By the time high school ended we didn’t communicate very much but still kept in touch. I went off to a university several hours away while she stayed behind and went to a local community college. I remember one visit I made to her when I came home during a weekend / break — she told me she was pregnant and she was not going to get married. The father of the child (a total deadbeat IMO) and her were still together, but if they get married, she wouldn’t get any government aid for the child. She was just 18. I admit I was a little judgmental at the time.
We grew apart even more after that. It was a slow, but seemingly mutual thing. She busying with her infant and I with increasingly difficult classwork. Our communication slowly became nonexistent. I move to a different state and started my life with hubby.
Years go by. My mom ran into her (and her new boyfriend) one day in town. She asked about me and passed her contact info to my mom. I hesitated calling her. I didn’t know what all has happened to her in the last several years, but it was clear that she was no longer with the father of her child. I felt sad for her child but also glad that she was able to move on with her life instead of hanging onto a deadbeat. She doesn’t know any of the happenings in my life also, except for the fact that my mom showed her my recent wedding pictures. My mom didn’t tell her of my bout with cancer.
Many moons go by again. I decided suddenly one day while at work that I would give her a call. It felt strange at first. It was as if neither of us has changed at all, and yet both of us are so different now at the same time. But we were chatting just like old times relatively shortly after, catching up on each other’s lives. It turns out that she didn’t finish college yet, because of work and caring for her child, there just isn’t enough time in the day. But she will soon, and was going into a promising work field after that. Her boyfriend is in the same field as her, also still going to school, but it seemed as though they cared for each other greatly and have very good potentials to be successful in their careers / future. The only problem (as I saw it)? The boyfriend’s parents know nothing about her or her child, and they have been together for 2+ years (and have been living together). Granted, his parents live somewhere near the Indian Ocean and she says there is some cultural differences that is preventing him from telling them about her. She was not OK with that, but in the grand scheme of things, she didn’t want that to be the deal-breaker either. She said he’s the best guy she’s ever been with…
She graduates and finds a decent job. He graduates and couldn’t find one, slacked off for some time which agitated her, but finally got a job at the same place where she worked. Everyone’s happy.
For now.
Eventually she became unsatisfied with her job (mostly her pay as she says it is much lower because she’s a woman and a minority), and her boyfriend. Nine out of ten emails from her complains about one or the other, or both. And it has been over a year since I’ve contacted her.
Yea, it’s getting old for me. I mean, what else can you say after a whole year plus of saying the same thing in so many different ways? I don’t know all the details to their relationship, but my g-d, get a grip of reality girl! His parents knows NOTHING about you or your child, and refuses to tell them when you requests him to do so. Each time his parents come to visit, you have to go and “hide out” at your mom’s house until they leave. And for this latest upcoming visit, he says “he will do what they tell him to” after they’ve met you and your child. (That is, IF he is truly going to let you meet his folks). If this kind of behavior / attitude toward your partner isn’t a red light for disaster, I don’t know what else qualifies.
In some ways, I’m torned. I want to be there for her as she had been for me so many years ago. However I’m truly agitated that she hasn’t left him / the relationship yet and she somehow doesn’t see this as a Really Bad Relationship. Could all the years of her mom having strange relationships with men skewed her sense of perspective? And unconsciously she’s attracted to deadbeat men like her mom? It’s quite possible and likely. But she’s a smart girl, she should be able to see a cliff when she sees it, no?
I don’t know what else to do for her. Lately it just has been frustrating talking to her at all. If it’s not complaints about the job, then it’s the boyfriend, or worse — both. Does she want me to just shut the fuck up and listen to her complain about him for the next who knows how many more years (or until whenever he decides to leave first)? Or is she looking at me for advice? I’m afraid it’s not the latter.
What would you do / say if you were me?!
Wednesday, May 4th, 2005
Well this sucks big monkey balls. My friend who lives in China tells me she cannot access my damn blog here at blogger (affiliated/owned by google). Also she cannot even sign up for a gmail account (some of her friends in China do have gmail accounts, but for some reason, she can’t access the gmail site while they can). Apparently some (regional?) government sector/ISP has blocked certain sites. What’s up with that - I mean, censoring blogger and gmail / google? She points out, google is available sporadically… Weird.
Can YOU live without google???
Is this communism at work? Or just some regional dumb ass who decided they don’t like anything google-related?
I lived there until I was 12 years old. As a twelve-year old, you just don’t notice a whole lot about the real/outside world. You have your family and you have your friends at school, that’s all that matters. All rules I observed were set by my parents. And since we did not have the luxury of television or afford whatever else for us to have “outside contact”, what I saw was all that I knew. I did not feel repressed or my voice muffled. Well I take that back, I was repressed and my voice was muffled often, but that’s not because I was living in a communist country. It was because I was a 12-year old and 12-year-olds just don’t get a lot of freedom in general! Especially if you have very protective parents and you’re a girl!!!
So this could very well be communism at work. But then how do you explain that some of her friends, who also live in China, have gmail and google??? (Please note, I do NOT wish to engage in political debates right now).
Anyhow, where was I?
Yes. I would really like my friend to be able to visit my blog. And I’m cheap, so I’m not buying membership at Typepad. Can any of you suggest some blog sites that are user-friendly, RSS-capable, ability to modify your own template/blog look, and most importantly, FREE? I did check out a few blog sites but haven’t found one that I really like.
Thanks in advance!
Monday, May 2nd, 2005
They say you can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your family. That isn’t entirely true.
I recently found out from my mother that my late paternal grandmother had three miscarriages in a row after having 2 children. Three. I think grandma and grandpa slept on separate beds after that as a contraceptive method. Years later she had a third and last successful pregnancy at age 43 and had my youngest aunt. They attributed the miscarriages to “poor health” and grandmother attributed the last successful pregnancy to taking extra herbs to boost her health.
Back in the old days as they didn’t have ultrasounds and probably not very good understanding of the women’s cycle, I assume all 3 of the miscarriages were not early ones (I didn’t get the details). I always knew grandma was a strong woman — her spine was severely handicapped/crooked but never ever complained about her condition / pain — but I didn’t know she had also endured the heartaches of losing 3 babies.
There was another family in the city who also had 3 miscarriages around the same time my grandma did. They also have 2 healthy live children.
Our family and theirs have “tied the knot”, literally, ever since… since I can remember. There were even ceremonies involved. We became relatives, but have no blood relations with each other whatsoever.
It’s a strange cultural phenomena / custom*, but I think it is quite considerate of the mother and the lost babies. It is a respectful way to remember, to cherish, and to heal. I’m not entirely sure whether miscarriages are as taboo to talk about in our culture as it is in the western culture. It doesn’t seem so, especially when families and communities are very closely knitted and the women knows everything about everyone. But I can assure you, the cause(s) are just as misunderstood, if not more, as I personally have encountered with my miscarriage last October.
So how does it work? What kind of ceremonies? How do you “pick” the other family? Well I want to know the details, too.
But from what I can gather, when a baby dies (either from miscarriage, or early infant/toddler death), they are forever memorialized. They are people who have a spirit and a soul, and they now live on “the other side” (not heaven as westerners knows it, since most Chinese subscribe to a modified version of Buddhism). And they are remembered yearly on the anniversary of their departure by some sort of ritual performed by the family. Their communities knows about them, especially the women. The family will search out for another family who is in a similar situation (after it all “settles” down I’m sure). They will get to know each other better, they will discuss things, and they will make a decision whether to become “family”. Then there’s a big ritual that’s performed, sacrificing chicken and rice wine and other delicacies to the ancestors. And voila, you have another family. As the years go by, the children grow up, just like we do on “this side”. By the time they would have reached young adulthood, the two families would perform another ceremony / ritual that would officially “marry” the 2 children.
This extended family of ours is very kind and loving. Grandma couldn’t have picked a better family to be part of ours.
* I can’t tell you how widely practiced this custom is, but I do believe it is only practiced in certain parts of China.
Monday, May 2nd, 2005
I totally freaked out today. If I had high blood pressure, this would NOT have been good.
No. Just to clarify so I don’t freak you out, all is fine on the pregnancy front.
This morning, after going to the library to get more children books and cookbooks, we went across to the street to the mall. By this time, the boy is very hungry. So we went to the food court and ate his packed lunch (cheapie Mama). After much fussing, he finally finished eating. We then went to a couple of stores to browse for sales. Didn’t find much of anything. No surprise as everything displayed in stores now are geared toward “Mother’s Day”. It was getting close to his nap time - ugh - so I went to change his diapers and was getting ready to
leave. Before long, I realized I left my nifty peacoat jacket at the food court!!!!! And it’s a fine 35F degrees outside, with slight snow flurries (yah, in MAY…) And guess what, my car keys and my house keys are in the jacket pocket.
This is one of my favorite jackets. Yes it’s PINK but it has those cool tooth-like buttons that goes into a loop, and it’s a maternity jacket, and I got it on sale for $20 (some 90% off).
I rushed back to the food court, with stroller and toddler in tow. Ugh, the food court is on 2nd level and I had to round about to get to an elevator. I haven’t walked this fast since… well, I think this has to be a first.
Thank the chilly winds and the damned snow flurries and the dead magnolia flowers (a result of the sudden frost) in our yard, the jacket was right where I left it. And my keys. Yikes how close was that. I wondered if the jacket would have disappeared if it wasn’t a busy Monday morning at the food court. People looked at me funnily as I grabbed the jacket and strolled away.
I know I mentioned “chemo brain” in a recent post. I’m not blaming it entirely on that, as I know there is also “pregnancy brain” and then there’s the “aging brain.” Do you really think some extra ginko will help my memory??
