Saturday, December 11th, 2004
Blahblah. More blahblahblah. Some people!
For the most part, I’ve been pretty lucky in my life, compared to some. But I have had 2 major adversities in the not so distant past. Specifically my body decided to go for a little bit more fun because really, who wants to be a boring body that never gets sick and never rebels against its owner. So like a teenager, my body went on some bodily adventures that hurt itself and its owner along the way, without realizing the consequences.
It’s amazing what people will say, just to say something, because they don’t fucking know what else to say. And worst of all, they think it is of help/comfort to you by telling you these things.
Here are some of the astonishing parallels:
Upon hearing that I’ve been diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma, these phrases were said to me, in no particular order and not all by the same idiot, I mean person:
* My cousin’s wife’s best friend’s grandpa (insert Unknown Someone that this person knows, usually someone who and retired) had cancer, and he’s fine and healthy as a horse now.
* Hodgkin’s lymphoma? At least that’s the best cancer to have if you were to have one.
* At least it was only stage 2.
* You’re young. Age is on your side. You’ll beat this and won’t remember this happened to you at all.
* You’re a chemical engineer. You were exposed to a lot of bad chemicals. I bet that’s what caused it.
* You’re too stressed out all the time. Stress causes a lot of sickness you know, including cancer.
* Did you eat an All-Organic diet (insert whatever other food you should/shouldn’t have eaten)? Because if you did, you wouldn’t have gotten this!
* I truly believe that the mind is a powerful thing. You need to think positive thoughts to get better.
* It’s a lesson/test/blahblahblah/bullcrap that God has bestowed upon you. You should be thankful for such a learning experience.
* It was meant to be for you to have cancer, so that you will become a better person.
* I bet you and your husband are closer now than before this happened.
* I never called/emailed/visited you again because I thought you a) wanted to be alone b) were too sick/sad/depressed. I didn’t want to bother you. And I don’t know what to say.
Upon hearing that I had lost my baby after 2 months being pregnant, these phrases were said to me, in no particular order and not all by the same idiot:
* My boyfriend’s sister’s fiancé’s cousin’s good friend (insert Unknown Someone) had x number of miscarriages, and now she’s a mother with x number of healthy kids.
* At least it was early in the pregnancy.
* You’re young. Age is on your side. You can get pregnant again and have more children later.
* You’re a chemical engineer. You were exposed to a lot of bad chemicals. I bet that’s what caused it.
* You’re too stressed out all the time. Stress isn’t good for the baby you know.
* Did you eat an All-Organic diet (insert whatever other food you should/shouldn’t have eaten)? Because if you did, you wouldn’t have miscarried!
* I truly believe that the mind is a powerful thing. You need to think positive thoughts.
* It’s a lesson/test/blahblahblah/bullcrap that God has bestowed upon you. You should be thankful for such a learning experience.
* The baby was not meant to be.
* I bet you and your husband are closer now than before this happened.
* I never called/emailed/visited you again because I thought you a) wanted to be alone b) were too sick/sad/depressed. I didn’t want to bother you. And I don’t know what to say.
on Saturday, December 11th, 2004 at 1:55 pm:
Aackkk!! I hate the stupid and insensitive platitudes that ignornant individuals feel a need to dole out!! What is it with these people??!!
Geez. I’m sorry you had to listen to all of that crap!
Moogielou
on Thursday, December 16th, 2004 at 5:23 pm:
I had a miscarriage at the 8 week mark also, a few weeks after you did, totally understand about the stupid things people say …. all I wanted was a “I’m sorry” “how are you doing?” or some kind of recognition, instead of the obvious discomfort that I caused people. But, oh well…. I think most people mean well, but are uncomfortable, and cannot find the right words to say; pregnancy loss is such a taboo in our culture (not that I’m excusing them).
Lori
on Saturday, January 15th, 2005 at 8:54 pm:
I feel so sorry for you and all you have been through, but I can understand when somebody just tries to think positive, eg “it could have been worse”. I believe finding the good in a situation is the first step towards recovery. Its not their fault that they cant read your mind and say exactly what you want to hear.
Juat Another Blogger